Personal practices of conversation
Dave Pollard sees skillful conversation as a key to the kinds of communities he is trying to create. In this post he revisits his ideas about personal practices for being a good conversationalist. These are great:
- Tell the other person something you’re passionate about, and why. Tell them passionately.
- Tell them something they should know that they don’t, preferably as a story, and make it clear why it’s important.
- Tell them about a possibility you’ve imagined. A real possibility, not just an ideal, a wish or a dream.
- Tell them a different way of thinking about something, one that sheds new light on what it means.
- Don’t argue. Just don’t.
- In all of the above, make sure what you tell is actionable. But don’t tell them what to do.
- And above all, keep it short, clear, and simple or entertaining. A conversation is a mutual gift.
Tannis and I were eating at Theo’s in Penticton on the weekend, and I was remembering that the conversation you and I had there was one of the most intense and rewarding I’ve ever had. Total flow, with hours disappearing like minutes. We did not keep it “short, clear and simple”…but most of these other points would apply. I get the impression that you have conversations meeting these criteria quite often — I need to make them happen for myself more often…good life skills to work on, too.
In a highly cool moment of synchronicity, as you were posting this comment, we were on the phone to Karen, the woman who served us that night at Theo’s. She has moved to Bowen Island and this afternoon our son’s are getting together to play Warhammer.
The practice of short clear and simple is one that I actually aspire to in real life conversation! But there are times for long meandering conversations, which short simple clarity definitely serves.
Come on!? That’s too bizarre and very cool.
Sometimes I wish synchronicity would leave me alone, but it’s waaaaay too much fun living with it!
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Pity he doesn’t mention listening…