Our experience of dialogue
I have noticed over the years that much public discourse is informed but what we see on television. Whether it is the cross-examination of the courtroom drama, or the witty one liners of sitcoms, or the over extended drama of soap operas, the way we talk to each other is heavily influenced by what is screened around us.
This clip is interesting: interviews with screenwriters who point out the function of dialogue in a television show. One of the high points of writing dialogue, it turns out, is that it will never be effective if people are actually seen talking to each other. So it’s no surprise that bringing these forms of conversation into the real world creates all sorts of dysfunctional social situations.
The only character you should be in real life is you.
Thanks for posting that. What a great set of interviews about writing. and I love the way you connect what they say about dialogue to how that works in “real” life. I noticed something else right after the bit you pointed out. He makes a comment about how in real life people don’t listen to each other but are just waiting for their opportunity. I have consciously worked on that myself. Particularly in meetings and such where you are trying to reach some kind of decision or movement or something. And I find that having a pencil and paper and jotting down what I want to ask or say allows me to let that go and focus on what others are saying. I think there is something about the mental energy it takes to hold onto a thought that leads to that waiting and stopping listening.
I’d love to hear more about how you deal with that kind of thing in your work.
In my work when we are really needing to listen to each other, we slow down and usually the simplest thing to do is pass a talking piece, or more accurately a listening piece. Whoever has it also has the attention of the listeners and when they are finished speaking, the piece goes to the next person. When we really need to cultivate deep listening this is a very good practice.
Also, when I am facilitating a circle, often times I will give the instruction to speak from your heart, not based on what you have heard. Try to overcome the tendency to respond to others and instead sense what it is that lies in the centre of the conversation. Listen for what wants to be said, not what you want to say. That is a more generous way of speaking.