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Guardian Unlimited Sport | Special reports | India v New Zealand

Seems to be nothing out of the ordinary here. A typical world cup match blog report on the Guardian, except that it starts with this screed:

It’s really simple: India are already through, New Zealand have to win.

Meanwhile, have you ever thought WHAT SORT OF LIFE IS THIS AND WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING BOARDING A TRAIN FOR MOORGATE AT 6.30 IN THE MORNING AND THEN STANDING AROUND FOR AGES WAITING FOR A TUBE WHILE STARING AT A SIGN TELLING YOU THAT IF YOU WAIT FOR FOUR MINUTES YOU CAN BOARD A TRAIN TO UXBRIDGE I’D RATHER WAIT FOUR HOURS FOR A JOURNEY WITH THE GRIM REAPER QUITE FRANKLY AND THEN YOU GET TO WORK AND THEN THERE’S THIS AND I KNOW THE CRICKET’S GOOD AND ALL THAT BUT I’VE GOT OUT OF THE WRONG SIDE OF BED THIS MORNING AND IN ANY CASE IT’S NOT AS IF I’LL WRITE A CRACKING MATCH REPORT AND THEN GET REWARDED BY BEING SENT ON A WONDERFUL ASSIGNMENT AROUND THE WORLD BECAUSE I’LL BE VERY SURPRISED IF ANY OF MY BOSSES WILL READ ANY OF THIS LET’S BE HONEST THEY WON’T ALTHOUGH ON THE OTHER HAND THAT’S PROBABLY JUST AS WELL HEY I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO GET AWAY WITH TYPING THINGS LIKE THIS KIqL!UYS^%$DFLI ZSDSAFC SFE4O92 )(^(*^o”$ bBLKU E875O3 96*&^%o*”$ogb LOOK I’M SORRY THIS ISN’T EXACTLY THE SORT OF QUALITY EDITORIAL COPY YOU EXPECT FROM THE GUARDIAN BUT LOOK AT THE FACTS I’M ADRIFT IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE OF THE WORST CITIES IN THE WORLD SITTING IN FRONT OF THE SAME COMPUTER SCREEN I FACE DAY AFTER INTERMINABLE DAY HELL I COULD BE WAKING UP IN SAY THE MALDIVES OR SYDNEY OR COPENHAGEN OR A CROFTER’S COTTAGE IN SKYE AND GOING FOR A WALK IN THE CRISP MORNING AIR?

No? Only me then. Good.

For there on in, the commentary wanders from the match to the writer’s lot in life. It’s brilliant:

3rd over: New Zealand 19-2

A good over for New Zealand, and certainly not as sensational for Zaheer as his first. Three for Styris with a lovely drive which would have been a boundary had it not been for a spectacular drive by the man at extra cover. Then a four for Fleming with a crisp clack through mid wicket. Leonard Skynard (no, really) writes in to say he’s “feeling even worse” than I am and that “he’s mad as hell and not going to take it any more”. Leonard has clearly been watching Network too often.

4th over: New Zealand 21-2

Two highlights from this over: brilliant running from Fleming to plunder a single off the last ball of the over; Guardian Unlimited’s Sally Bolton making me a cup of tea. More from Leonard: to prove his pique, he’s been banging his fists on his keyboard. “asdsadf ;lk;lk;lk,” he writes. You should move your fists about, Leonard, your letter distribution is predictable.

5th over: New Zealand 32-2

Fleming is setting about Zaheer here. Here hare here. He smashes a four through the onside and then nicks another with a fine edge. A good recovery from the Black Caps this. “Is ‘KIqL!UYS^%$DFLI ZSDSAFC SFE4O92 )(^(*^o”$ bBLKU E875O3 96*&^%o*”$ogb’ some sort of code?” asks Richard Perkins. “And if so, can anyone crack it?”

6th over: New Zealand 35-2

A minor singles-fest. Meanwhile, a few of you are trying to make me feel better about my sorry lot in life. “Don’t know what you are whinging about, I live in Reading, which has to be worse than London,” writes a not-wrong Anton Lawrence. “At least you have more to do. And the coffee is better. And you get to watch cricket all day.” “Trust me,” adds Neil Broderick, “there are loads of jobs out there which are worse than being a Guardian reporter. You should try lecturing first-year electronics students whose lack of knowledge is only exceed by their apathy.” And Amber Jones emails in to say: “Come watch my video, it’s very stimulati…” Eh, actually, that’s a bit of junk mail. Still, beggars can’t be choosers.

[ Thanks to boing boing ]